Tag Archives: Michael Baron

Special Off-Day Award for Retardation

Today on the most poorly written blog on the internet  Matt Cerrone stated, in reference to Kirk Nieuwenhuis’ strong play, “The point is, I might want to start memorizing how to spell his last name, as opposed to repeatedly copying and pasting it in from my clipboard.” The concept of Matt Cerrone trying to learn things is so foreign to me I decided to try and visualize it which can be represented in the following scene:
Matt Cerrone and Michael Baron sit across from each other at a desk littered with Mets promotional items (bobble-heads, sny magnetic calendars, Mr. Met Tote bags, Mike Pelfrey themed tums containers, etc.). Matt Cerone wears his Ny Mets Pyjama pants and a Brooklyn Cyclones oversized t-shit, instead of shoes he has Mr. Met slippers. Michael Baron wears his Citi Field Moo-moo and David Wright replica cleats. 
Baron (holding up a flash-card): Okay, try this one: he’s the new center fielder.
Cerrone: Okay, I know this one. N-E-W
Baron: ahh (making a buzzer sound)
Cerrone: Okay, N-U
Baron: AHHH!
Cerrone: Okay, N-O-O
Baron: AHHHH!
Cerrone: Gosh, I’ll, like, never get this one.
Baron: Let’s come back to this one. Here is another, ‘What do you call it when a pitcher throws at least six innings and allows three runs or less?
Cerrone: A win?
Baron: AHHHH!
Cerrone: (fishing) an infield fly rule?
Baron: AHHHHH
Cerrone: FOR PETE’S SAKE WILL YOU STOP MAKING THAT CONFOUNDED NOISE!?
Baron: Ahhhhhh — Quality Start.  Okay, let’s go back to the center fielder.
Cerrone: Can’t we just teach my spell check to know these player’s names?
Baron: Come on, you can do this.
Cerrone: Okay, N-I (he pauses waiting for Baron’s buzzer sound) E (he waits again) U- no N
Baron: AHHHHH
Cerrone: I’m just no good at this, maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be a blogger…
Baron and Cerrone sit silently staring at each other considering this possibility, but then they both start laughing.