Category Archives: Wilpon Award

Blame it on the Rain

Dickey didn’t have his Knuckle-Ball and the Mets didn’t have a chance. Complaining that he was throwing ‘water-balloons’ Dickey never got it together. Lucky for Lucas Duda and Ike Davis ,who are batting .196 and .156 respectively, the Mets second best pitcher had his worst game as a member of the team the day after the mets best pitcher had his worst day as a pitcher.

The Braves are not quite Mount Kilimanjaro

R.A. you humble us all…

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Santana came early this year, for the Braves…

It’s hard not to give Santana the 4th Wilpon Award of the year, because he was just horrible. Bay’s error was a drop of diarrhea in the sea of shit that was the Mets’ 4th loss, and therefore:

Johan Santana is happy to be back in New York

KUDOS TO YOU JOHAN! You win the award for the Wilponiest Ace in the league!

Loss #3 – Crappy Robinson Day

Ruben Tejada squares up a ground ball

It was Ruben Tejada’s error that allowed Jackie Robinson day to be so unpleasant, but was it really his fault? Ramirez, Acosta, and Batista shit the proverbial bed in keeping Pelfrey’s 2-1 lead safe. Of course Pelfrey’s 2-1 lead came from repeating an unsustainable Houdini act in which he managed to keep stranding base runners. All told Pelfrey allowed 8 hits and 2 walks over 6 innings which simply won’t cut it if he intends to maintain his 3.09 era for any reasonable length of time.

Assuming it’s safe to say that the difference between being behind 7-2 and 8-2 in the bottom of the ninth is negligible, we can eliminate Batista from the argument and therefore we are faced with two questions: who is more to blame, the relief pitcher who blew the lead, or the Relief pitcher who let the game get out of reach; and if it is the latter is that the fault of the fielder who let the inning continue or the pitcher, who after the error was committed, walked in a run and allowed a bases loaded double?

This begs the greater question, when does a team give up? If the Mets’ bullpen kept the braves offense to 3 runs would the Mets’ batters have played harder? If the Mets weren’t already behind would Acosta have been able to recover from the error? What we have to look at is the pivotal moment, when was the game no longer a game? By that logic it was probably over much earlier than any of the mentioned events. It was over the same moment the Mets season ended, when Mike Pelfrey took the mound. But alas, as much as we’d like to give it to Big Pelf it doesn’t seem fair. This loss’, and the third Wilpon Award of the Season will instead go to Manny Acosta, you should have gotten out of that inning and kept the game close. You may have escaped this round Ramirez, but be forewarned you’re on thin ice.

Manny Acosto blows some snot into his hand

MANNY ACOSTA CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE WON THE THIRD WILPON AWARD OF THE SEASON!

 

 

Mets Lose 4-0

Terry Collins tries to give his life meaning

It would be unfair to give the Wilpon Award for the Mets’ second loss to Johan Santana, due to his yeoman’s effort; and despite having awarded non-players before it seems unreasonable to award the honors to Larry Vanover, since he doesn’t really qualify as a Wilpon hire (although you never know, he might be on some undocumented payroll for the team); so it whose left?

Terry Collins is a strong candidate for getting thrown out arguing a call on behalf of Jason Bay. Of course Jason Bay is a strong candidate for, well, being Jason Bay. Ramon Ramirez certainly didn’t have his strongest stuff, and while his past performances have been intrinsic in getting the Mets the 4 wins prior to this game, The Wilpon Award does not reflect on one’s history, only the here and now! With no players self-selecting with horrible errors or miscues it really comes down to these three: Ramirez, Bay, and Collins. A relief pitcher who struggled with 3 walks, an anemic hitter who complained about bad umpiring but couldn’t hit the ball even if it was a strike, or a manager who went to bat for a hitter who was upset about a bad call despite being unable to hit the ball if it had been a strike. Well, Ramirez is spared by the combined idiocy of Bay and Collins, and so we can solve the problem by answering the age old question, “Whose the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?”

TERRY COLLINS CONGRATULATIONS! You have won the year’s second Wilpon Award.  You are granted the honor not only for having been thrown out of a game defending Jason Bay’s honor (cough), but for continuing to put the impotent canadian in your line-up!

Terry Collin wins the second Wilpon Award

First Wilpon Award of the year

Even though this is the first Wilpon Award of the year we’re going to keep it short and sweet. There are only three options for last night’s award Dillon Gee, David Wright (and his pinky), or Daniel Murphy. In typical Wilpon Award style we won’t give it to Gee who gave it a yeoman’s effort, despite his poor line; or Murphy, whose error made a bad game worse,  because he is so new to the position; and we won’t even give it to David Wright’s sub-par pinky finger. No, the first Wilpon Award is going to those who are long overdue for an aware: The Mets’ unbelievably terrible training staff who can’t help but ruin a perfectly healthy player’s career.

This afternoon Santana squares off against Strasburg in the rubber game of what we at the Wilpon Award have dubbed “The Battle of The Most Egregious Contracts: Bay vs. Werth”

The Wilpons Return and so will their Awards.

Dear Reader,

It is with great disappointment that I must inform you that The Wilpon Award will be returning for another season.  In an attempt to avoid the inevitable, those of us here at The Wilpon Award tried to ingratiate ourselves to other, less acid-reflux-inducing, teams. Unfortunately the result was the worst; we found ourselves flipping back to watch Mike Pelfrey pitching batting practice to any one of the three other teams within 500 miles of the Mets incredibly expensive training facility in Port St. Lucie.

After much hemming and hawing we decided as long as we were going to continue to watch and root for the Mets  — and subsequently get mocked mercilessly and laughed out of any decent conversation pertaining to baseball — we might as well preempt the inevitable and mock ourselves, our team, our allegiance, and most importantly these pitiful owners.

The Wilpon Award will once again strive to find the greatest failures, the biggest disappointments, the most abominable atrocities, and the saddest moments that happen between two foul lines. We will watch, albeit hiding our eyes, as many Mets games as our highly paid psychiatrists allow us to, in the hopes of finding a few bright spots in the team we once loved. Meanwhile, each day we will be awarding players who best encompass the traits the Mets Owners, Fred & Jeff Wilpon, value most: incompetence, idiocy, poor instincts, and of course failure.  It is with this sentiment in mind that we award our very first Wilpon Award of the season to the man who single-handedly is responsible for our reluctant return, Irvin Picard. For he, and he alone, could have done the honorable thing and put us all out of our misery by bankrupting this titanic of a baseball team. Thank you Irving, you could have backed over this gimp mutt, but instead you decided to keep on tearing down that country road toward brighter futures, letting us limp our way to the gutter, where we will inevitably suffer through a seemingly endless misery. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Irving Picard looking really smug after making all Mets Fan's lives hell for the foreseeable future.

The Body Issue

I know that I have been remiss in updating  the Wilpon Award this Mets season. Just like the team, I started off strong, petered out, and then entirely stopped paying attention. With the regular season over I, the owners,  pledge to not let that happen again next year (If the Wilpons can, why can’t I?).

Obviously Jose Reyes won the season’s Wilpon Award when he walked away from the 162nd game of the season in the first inning, however a post-season award is worth mentioning. While I pledged to award a Wilpon for every Met game, I never pledged that I wouldn’t award a Wilpon for non-met games, or just shit that happens, that aren’t Met games. Case in point.

Well today marks an important week since ESPN the magazine is bringing back it’s 3rd annual ‘Body Issue.’ In it professional athletes pose nude, conveniently blocking their goals, in an effort to help subscription sales of the magazine. Although, why anyone would want a subscription to any magazine that considers “professional poker” a sport is beyond me.

Past issues have shown how some of America’s favorite athlete’s body issues might have affected their on court issues. For instance the image of Amar’e Staudemire (pictured left) might indicate, from his complete lack of a penis, that he might not be physically capable of blocking the box against Dwight Howard – who couldn’t even have the lower portion of his body in frame.

Truth be told, the whole idea of looking at athletes naked is kind of a false-start.  In concept it seems great, but in practice it’s kind of frightening.  Similar to bodybuilders, there is just something grotesque about their over developed, roid ridden physiques. So, in honor of the Wilpon Award we give this day’s award to the guy who deserves it the most, Jose Reyes. I hope you’re happy wherever you land.

Now Jose Reyes' body issue isn't just staying healthy.